Bruno in slow motion, everybody.
Whenever I meet someone new, this is the first thing I show them on my phone.
This waiting room #hospitalglam kicked off a discussion about disability, peer support and self care. Having #ehlersdanlos means my #disability is often an #invisibleillness and maintaining a visible presence in my non-disability communities while doing #hospitalglam has been valuable. I care for myself and I have no shame attached to the health issues that make up my life, and the lives of the people who mean so much to me. We are all fucking gorgeous, especially when seeking treatment. Taking care of ourselves is paramount and no matter how you feel when you walk into that office, know that you are fucking flawless. (at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center)
This performance captures the terrifying pathos so well
Handbags are the incentive.
- Me: What would it take to train Abby to administer a lobotomy?
- Him: 5 dollars and some tuna
- Me: She's not that easily incentivized.
- Me: Would also need thumbs or lasers, probably.
- Me: My mind is reeling over this 5 dollars. Would it be fashioned into an origami tool? Do I have to explain a market based economy to her?
- Him: No sir just straight cash, no alterations required. You only need explain how to purchase fancy handbags
- Me: WOAH.
- Me: A) Abby would be thrilled enough with a fancy handbag (and 1 can tuna) that she'd figure out how to lobotomize me on her own
- Me: B) Abby would keep the can of tuna and use the 5$ to purchase a fancy handbag for me, which would lead to instantaneous lobotomy
- Me: Either way, I have serious problems with this
- Me: She's intuited this scenario. It's getting dicey.
- Me: Never should have done the google search for "cat lobotomist currencies tuna futures"
- Him: Christ. I bet it was littered with fully nude cats writing checks
Bruno in slow motion, everybody.
walonvaus asked: Hey there - feel free to ignore this, but .... (I'm not really sure how to ask this), but do you have any resources or anything to read on in terms of dealing with medical trauma, particularly in the earlier years? I've lurked your blog for a while, and you're a massively cool dear with views i really respect a lot, and just ... feel like you'd know better than I as to where to start? (tried googling about it, not much there unfortunately.) thank you, either way.
oh honey i wish i did, i really do. i don’t know of anything. ANYTHING. some people might tell you to read the faults in our stars, but that is such a wrongheaded offensive deeply off-track book and i would NEVER EVER DO THAT TO YOU.
I’ve got nothing. The best I’ve ever been able to do is to read war stories. The only thing that’s ever spoken to me about being four years old in a cancer ward surrounded by dying children has been stories about the trenches, or stories about peleilu or okinawa, or stories about post war berlin where the kaiser has been deposed and no one knows how to go back to living their lives. they don’t have books about being tortured by doctors at a young age, or about accepting your death at a young age, they don’t have books that speak to the adults who grew up and recovered and have to live with the fact that they’re partially convinced they died back when they were four and it’s just taking fifteen or twenty years to kick in.
or maybe there is and i just haven’t found them!!!!!! i live in hope!!!!!!!
HELLO Hi butting in here because this is my jam
I’m a medical trauma survivor, a bunch of invasive surgeries before the age of one and a half, lifelong health stuff happening, I get it, I live it.
This is ~my field~ it is literally my life’s work because as you and bones have illustrated, there is so little out there. Very little bordering on nothing. Here’s what I got though:
Annabel, Kathleen Winter
This book is abt a child who is born intersex in Labrador in the 60s (I think) and it really captures beautifully a lot of the ambivalence and terror of the medical system as a child. It really resonated with me. This is the only fiction book on this list, go figure.
Exile and Pride, Eli Clare
Eli Clare is a queer disabled writer; this book is sort of a memoir and sort of a bunch of critical essays. “Freaks and queers” in particular is about what it’s like to be looked at by doctors as a child and how that fits into disability history.
Trauma and Recovery, Judith Herman
This is the big book on trauma psychology. I have a range of problems with this text I could discuss at length and in detail, but it’s good for giving a framework for talking about how violence makes you feel crazy. It doesn’t specifically talk about medical trauma at all but I found it helpful for getting a handle on the vocabulary. DON’T read the examples provided unless you have a very strong emotional constitution.
The Culture of Pain, David Morris
This is sort of a general study of pain, not medical trauma specifically, but there’s a lot in here about how women’s pain is so often discounted and how we are manhandled by doctors that resonated with me as a medical trauma survivor.
The Cancer Journals, Audre Lorde
Not about childhood medical trauma, but this book is v much about coming to terms with medical intervention, with having cancer, and what that means for Lorde as a black lesbian feminist
Pain Journal, Bob Flanagan
Bob Flanagan had CF and experienced a lot of medical intervention from childhood. His work is occasionally very, very hard to read, and is often heavily masochistic. But not all of it. This is his last work, the one he wrote as he was dying.
II don’t know man. I wish I had more to tell you. There’s a lot of stuff about medicine and trauma that has come out of the experiences of ppl who have been forcibly confined in psychiatric institutions, which can offer some kind of a framework (my fave text of this type is Erik Fabris’ Tranquil Prisons, it actually does intersectional analysis!). That and a lot of the work that has come out of intersex folks’ struggles with the medical establishment that talks about nonconsensual, coercive, and traumatic medical treatment (don’t have any texts off hand atm, sorry!). But that’s really it.
I don’t know what else. For me: The Lord of the Rings and The Silmarillion.Women’s life writing about pain. Virginia Woolf. None of it’s complete but if you put it together and stare at it in the right light you might find something.
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